Denial can be one of the most difficult stages of the grief process to overcome, particularly when grieving the loss or imminent lost of a narcissist, borderline, histrionic or psychopath.However, true healing cannot begin until these two stages have been navigated successfully.They say words like love and friendship, but they don’t mean anything, or rather they don’t mean what you think they mean.Usually, their declarations of love and other promises are manipulations.Once you accept it you have no other choice but to see the narcissist, borderline, histrionic or psychopath for who they are — severely limited human beings who are not just incapable of love, but actively destroy it and then blame you for not being enough.Again, this has nothing to do with you and your lovableness or character.
It makes it easier for them when you do the work for them. It can also make it more difficult to break through the denial stage as you’ve been pre-conditioned to tolerate abuse and to experience it as “love.” The childlike wish is to finally feel loved and accepted by your narcissistic or borderline spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend because it will somehow override how you were treated as a child.
That, at long last, someone truly saw them, loved and appreciated them.
That’s the emotional stake from which it is so very difficult for many targets of narcissistic abuse to divest.
Tools to get them what they want at any given moment. Gaslighting is a form of lying, but an especially crazy-making one.
They mirror your good qualities back to you and you believe them. The narcissist, borderline and psychopath will deny having said and done things you you heard them say and do.Mirroring your good qualities in the beginning of the relationship further serves to strengthen your projection of positive qualities onto them. The result is you doubt your perceptions, memory and intuition.